Mrs. Saunders

"A teacher's purpose is not to create students in his own image, but to develop students who can create their own image." ~Author Unknown

One of the most fun side effects of planning a wedding I have discovered is reuniting with old friends and family. Yesterday I started to receive the word that our Save the Dates were hitting homes across America. So not only is that great..but I guess this wedding is officially on! Just kidding!!

So yesterday I received the sweetest note on our wedding website from my 4th grade teacher...Mrs. Saunders. She had received my invitation and was excited to hear from me. Little does she know that I could not imagine having this huge life event without her....she is good reason I am the way I am today.

When I was young...let's say between the ages of 8 and 12....I really struggled with my self image. I was short, buck teeth and had glasses thicker than a coke bottle. I hated being me...hated it. At that age all I could see were the pretty girls around me that had none of my flaws and it just did not seem fair. Of course my parents always reassured me that it was just a phase and someday I would have straight teeth and contacts and that this "too shall pass". However when you are 10, your parents aren't exactly the ones you listen to.

I can remember being in Mrs. Saunders class like it was yesterday. She was a young, energetic blonde teacher who always dressed to the nines. She was funny, witty and if you did something wrong (or misbehaved)...she was not afraid to tell you. I LOVED being in her class. I would wait each day for her to tell us a story on her two children (Tommy and Byke). She always had funny stories about them...even disclosing how much Byke loved cheese....really loved it. In fact there were days that the class would beg her to tell a "Byke" story because they were always so funny. At that age I was still such a kid...I played school and I might have even still played with my Barbies...who knows. But I do know that I could remember thinking that someday I wanted to be like Mrs. Saunders.

Perhaps it was the way she took a genuine interest in my family or perhaps it was the way she made me feel when I did something great...but she was always so wonderful to me. One day I can remember her pulling me aside at recess and showing me her childhood yearbooks. She showed me pictures of herself when she was younger (also buck teeth and with glasses). She said that we all grow out of our phases and to not let the teasing or those around me get me down. What a moment. Till this day I can remember that conversation and how it forever changed my life. She saw how I struggled and really reached out to me...and she didn't have to. Which is why I would forever call her a mentor not just a teacher.

So when I see students today I always wonder if they have had a "Mrs. Saunders" in their lives. Teachers to me have the hardest job in the world and are paid so little. But perhaps most of them are not there for the money...they are there for students like me. Students who need more than just the curriculum but compassion and warmth. And if every student would have that experience than perhaps learning would not be so laborious.

I cannot wait to see Mrs. Saunders on my wedding day. I don't think she will ever know the magnitude at which she has effected my life. But perhaps on that day she will discover that the woman I am today....has a lot to do with the little girl she reached out to yesterday.

JAR

Embracing my love language

In the Catholic church if you want to be married, you must participate in pre-cana (pre wedding) preparations. This includes attending classes about marriage preparation and counseling sessions with your priest. As a newly engaged couple, Josh and I were looking forward to this process. We felt that this would assist us in our journey with our faith as a married couple and our practical lessons on what to expect when we are finally together. Like most aspects of our relationship we really wanted to waste no time and get started. So two weeks ago we attended a "Couples Engagement" weekend with the church.

Our "weekend" took place at the Avila Retreat Center in Durham, NC. The facility was very tranquil and had a restful feel to it. The center is run by nuns...so we had great food and attention all weekend. Now I have to admit that before going into this weekend, I had a lot of expectations in terms of outcomes. I fully expected to get information on all of the aspects of the church's teachings (prayerful unity and Natural Family Planning to name a few) as well as practical hands on stuff for a successful marriage (financial tips and communication strategies). Although the weekend fell short in some areas....I felt that we definitely walked away with more of a "game plan" on how we wanted our marriage to be. The format allowed for plenty of time for Josh and I to discuss the bigger things that we wanted out of our marriage as well as the tiny details.

One of the highlights of the weekend was a workshop that we attended facilitated by an older couple who had been married for nearly 45 years. They spoke to the group about the importance of communication and how it can literally "make or break" a marriage. Good stuff. They also introduced Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages". Now if you have not read this book or heard of these languages....you definitely need to check them out. The languages allow couples to understand how to "talk to each other". For example if you are a touch person and your mate is not.....that could cause problems if you did not know it. However if you understand your partner's love language, you are more likely to respond to their needs as well as yours.

Now keep in mind that I had read the book previously and had an idea of what my love language was. Of course it had been a few years since reading the book.....so I was anxious to see if I still "spoke" the same language. Josh on the other hand had not read the book, so this was all new to him. As we broke apart to take our language quizzes...I could not help but think what our outcomes would be. I knew we would be different. So when the results came back...we both laughed at where we stood. I clearly was a "Words of Affirmation" person. I spoke that language loud and clear and valued it in every aspect of my life.....not just my romantic relationships. Josh's love language was "Touch". Hilarious in one regard because "Touch" was my very last language in the rankings of the five. Clearly we knew we had some differences.

The great result of learning these love languages is that now we know how to really talk to each other. I know that I need to touch Josh more and he understands how important it is to affirm his love towards me. We had a lot of fun learning these new languages and we definitely made fun of ourselves for the rest of the weekend.

Knowing what each other needs now......can most definitely save a lot of headaches and heartaches in the future.

JAR