30 days and counting....

No matter what, Dad was always there with solid words of advice . . . "Go ask your mother."- Alan Ray


Ok....so in exactly one month, I will do what I NEVER thought I would do after I turned 18.....move back in with my parents. Now...let's get the story straight...this is only a 3 month stint and it is really for the purity of my future marriage to Josh in August. Well....and also because my father said if I ever lived with anyone before I was married....he would not come to the wedding. Now I don't know if he would really do that...but I thought I would not risk walking down the aisle by myself! Ha!

In all seriousness, moving in with my parents really made the most sense since my current lease ends on May 31st and Josh and I really do want to wait until we are married before we live together. I guess this will be a great way to save money, get used to the commuting concept (ugh) and relish some time with two of the most important people in my life. After all...how bad could it possibly be?

My sister Lynn spent a couple months before her wedding two years ago and she said she really had a fun time with my parents. She said it definitely was different being back since she was used to coming and going on her own (kind of like coming home from college that first summer) and it was also unique to see how Mom and Dad had adopted to life "post children". So in a way...I am kind of excited about spending some time with them myself.

I am looking forward to having dinner every night with Mom and Dad...although I am not sure if Mom really cooks anymore. I am also excited about watching evening shows with them as well....but then again they do watch TV in separate rooms every night. Oh but wait...we could go to the movies every once in awhile too....but now I just remembered they go early to catch the senior citizen discount rate...and I would not qualify for that (too young! ha!). So maybe it won't be as glamorous as I anticipate it to be.

Perhaps in the end it will be an opportunity to plan the final details of my wedding from home base and catch up on some quality conversations with Mom and Dad. Of course I have to keep the mushy conversations to Mom...Dad does not like to deal with those. However..if I have a Bridezilla moment..he will have to deal with it too!

All in all I think it is funny that after 15 years of being on my own....I am coming home to where it all started and with the two people who gave me this great life. In a way it's a proper send off to the next great phase of my life!

JAR

A Birthday Year to Remember

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."- Anonymous

Today back in 1976....a little fellow by the name of Joshua Emory came barreling in to this world. Although two weeks late...he proceeded to make his entry to the "real world" with a bang. 34 years later he is still making his presence known by all of the wonderful deeds he does for others.

Of course I am grateful that I am privileged to marry this sweet man....but I am even more humbled by all of the great characteristics he has that so often he shares with others. Josh is the guy that no matter what time of the day it is or where he is at in his own world.....if you ask for help he will literally stop what he is doing to come to your aid. Now...perhaps I am a little bias because I am his fiance', but I do speak with authority that I have seen his deeds in action many times with friends, family and co-workers. Occasionally a total stranger gets the benefit of his generosity as well. I think Josh is one of those rare people (similar to my brother Joe) that just enjoys doing for others and simply wants nothing in return. His reward is seeing others happy and that is trait I truly, truly admire.

So....on this great day in April...I wish the most giving and loving man I know...the best birthday ever. I look forward to many more birthdays together!

JAR

A little faith in the world

"Without faith, hope and trust, there is no promise for the future, and without a promising future, life has no direction, no meaning and no justification."-Adlin Sinclair

Well, if you are like most Americans (or at least the 85% reported) who were happy with your health care before Sunday...you probably are having a hard time swallowing the pill that our government has just made us all take. Some days it is hard to have faith in the world in which we live and the leaders that are supposed to lead...but if you had the weekend I just had with about 40 high school juniors and seniors...you might have a little more faith.

When Josh and I first started dating, he constantly spoke of his involvement with "Search". I had no idea what this was but soon found out that it was something he was very passionate about. The program, based out of the Raleigh Diocese, is something that Josh did as a teenager and has now gone back to supervise for as an adult. The program is described as:"Search is a weekend retreat for 11th – 12th grade youth. Activities encourage self-discovery and reflections on relationships with others and with God. Retreat team is made up of past Searchers who model leadership, faith sharing, and ministry with their peers. Adults in youth ministry also attend and participate in Search".

Josh had mentioned many times that going to Search was a life changing experience for him. As a teenager, that seems amazing. I can't recall anything in my teenage years that was so profound. His passions for the event continued after he was in college and he has been volunteering as an "adult searcher" for the past couple of years. So as one could imagine, my curiosity about this grand program was always there. A few months ago, Josh asked if I would like to attend as an adult Searcher myself. So...without hesitation I decided to do so. Little did I know what I was getting into!

When I arrived on Friday night, I was greeted with 60 plus teenagers screaming and having a grand time. I thought to myself "Oh Lord...what have I gotten myself into?". However we (the adults and the kids) quickly were oriented on the pace of the weekend and what was to be expected. I learned within hours (and I say hours because we got there at 7pm and did not go to bed until 2:30am!) that this was going to be a weekend like no other. The evening started out with a young woman who "told us her story". Her story ironically enough dealt with her battles of depression and finding herself. My attention perked and I instantly knew that this was something I could relate to.

The rest of the weekend consisted of great "talks" from teens and adults. Each one telling a different story and each one emphasizing how they grew closer to God. I was so in awe by the bravery and courage for the kids to get up in front of their peers and share so much. I was more than humbled to share in the experience. The weekend posted many great events and memories,including a special visit from my future in-laws. I knew that I had made the right choice to participate in the program and I felt even closer to my faith and Josh.

The best feeling I had after walking away from the Search weekend was that I knew for sure that not only was the Catholic church in good hands....but so was the future of our country. These kids were amazing and each of them had so many great qualities that I know they will utilize them to the fullest. I know that they will take their love for the Lord and their passion for the message and spread it all around them.

So for those of you who doubt the world we live in...let me assure you that you can have Faith once again...we are in the best of hands!

Love
JAR

Cakes, Flowers, Dresses....Ohy!

"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry" ~ Tom Mullen

I have now been on this wedding planning ride for roughly three months now and it still amazes me how much there is to do. I mean I knew that planning a wedding would be a lot....but nobody tells you about all of the details...small details that take up so much of your time. I have to admit there have been times that I have thought about tossing the whole plan out the window and eloping (at a tropical location of course)...but then I refrain. Overall I see the big picture...but why does it have to be so time consuming and expensive? Ugh.

So on a brighter note...some of the wedding planning is a lot of fun. This week I chose the bridesmaid dresses (so fun) and Josh and I are cake testing tomorrow. I suppose there are some perks to planning. I am really looking forward to testing the cakes...makes this crazy diet I am on seem worth it. I have a sense that I may prefer one vendor over another simply due to their love of Pugs. Maxie B's is a quaint little bakery in Greensboro and they are known for their great cakes and cupcakes......but the owner also has three pugs of her own...so maybe that is a sign!

Also on Saturday, Josh will be taking me to the jeweler who designed my beautiful engagement ring. I can't wait to meet him and thank him for the wonderful job he did on recreating the beauty of my grandmother's ring. I also hope that he will be able to restore a pair of pearl earrings that my grandfather gave to me. They are a pair that he brought back from the Philippines to give to my grandmother....and now I own them. I really want to wear them on my wedding day. And finally on Sunday...we will meet with Father Kelleher (the priest who will marry us) to have lunch and review some of our pre cana work. He officiated my brother's wedding and he has been a long time family friend...love him!

So as you can see the madness never ends....but the one thing that I keep telling myself through all of this (other than the fabulous honeymoon) is that the day will make me Mrs. Hammond....FINALLY!

Love to all

JAR

Mrs. Saunders

"A teacher's purpose is not to create students in his own image, but to develop students who can create their own image." ~Author Unknown

One of the most fun side effects of planning a wedding I have discovered is reuniting with old friends and family. Yesterday I started to receive the word that our Save the Dates were hitting homes across America. So not only is that great..but I guess this wedding is officially on! Just kidding!!

So yesterday I received the sweetest note on our wedding website from my 4th grade teacher...Mrs. Saunders. She had received my invitation and was excited to hear from me. Little does she know that I could not imagine having this huge life event without her....she is good reason I am the way I am today.

When I was young...let's say between the ages of 8 and 12....I really struggled with my self image. I was short, buck teeth and had glasses thicker than a coke bottle. I hated being me...hated it. At that age all I could see were the pretty girls around me that had none of my flaws and it just did not seem fair. Of course my parents always reassured me that it was just a phase and someday I would have straight teeth and contacts and that this "too shall pass". However when you are 10, your parents aren't exactly the ones you listen to.

I can remember being in Mrs. Saunders class like it was yesterday. She was a young, energetic blonde teacher who always dressed to the nines. She was funny, witty and if you did something wrong (or misbehaved)...she was not afraid to tell you. I LOVED being in her class. I would wait each day for her to tell us a story on her two children (Tommy and Byke). She always had funny stories about them...even disclosing how much Byke loved cheese....really loved it. In fact there were days that the class would beg her to tell a "Byke" story because they were always so funny. At that age I was still such a kid...I played school and I might have even still played with my Barbies...who knows. But I do know that I could remember thinking that someday I wanted to be like Mrs. Saunders.

Perhaps it was the way she took a genuine interest in my family or perhaps it was the way she made me feel when I did something great...but she was always so wonderful to me. One day I can remember her pulling me aside at recess and showing me her childhood yearbooks. She showed me pictures of herself when she was younger (also buck teeth and with glasses). She said that we all grow out of our phases and to not let the teasing or those around me get me down. What a moment. Till this day I can remember that conversation and how it forever changed my life. She saw how I struggled and really reached out to me...and she didn't have to. Which is why I would forever call her a mentor not just a teacher.

So when I see students today I always wonder if they have had a "Mrs. Saunders" in their lives. Teachers to me have the hardest job in the world and are paid so little. But perhaps most of them are not there for the money...they are there for students like me. Students who need more than just the curriculum but compassion and warmth. And if every student would have that experience than perhaps learning would not be so laborious.

I cannot wait to see Mrs. Saunders on my wedding day. I don't think she will ever know the magnitude at which she has effected my life. But perhaps on that day she will discover that the woman I am today....has a lot to do with the little girl she reached out to yesterday.

JAR

Embracing my love language

In the Catholic church if you want to be married, you must participate in pre-cana (pre wedding) preparations. This includes attending classes about marriage preparation and counseling sessions with your priest. As a newly engaged couple, Josh and I were looking forward to this process. We felt that this would assist us in our journey with our faith as a married couple and our practical lessons on what to expect when we are finally together. Like most aspects of our relationship we really wanted to waste no time and get started. So two weeks ago we attended a "Couples Engagement" weekend with the church.

Our "weekend" took place at the Avila Retreat Center in Durham, NC. The facility was very tranquil and had a restful feel to it. The center is run by nuns...so we had great food and attention all weekend. Now I have to admit that before going into this weekend, I had a lot of expectations in terms of outcomes. I fully expected to get information on all of the aspects of the church's teachings (prayerful unity and Natural Family Planning to name a few) as well as practical hands on stuff for a successful marriage (financial tips and communication strategies). Although the weekend fell short in some areas....I felt that we definitely walked away with more of a "game plan" on how we wanted our marriage to be. The format allowed for plenty of time for Josh and I to discuss the bigger things that we wanted out of our marriage as well as the tiny details.

One of the highlights of the weekend was a workshop that we attended facilitated by an older couple who had been married for nearly 45 years. They spoke to the group about the importance of communication and how it can literally "make or break" a marriage. Good stuff. They also introduced Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages". Now if you have not read this book or heard of these languages....you definitely need to check them out. The languages allow couples to understand how to "talk to each other". For example if you are a touch person and your mate is not.....that could cause problems if you did not know it. However if you understand your partner's love language, you are more likely to respond to their needs as well as yours.

Now keep in mind that I had read the book previously and had an idea of what my love language was. Of course it had been a few years since reading the book.....so I was anxious to see if I still "spoke" the same language. Josh on the other hand had not read the book, so this was all new to him. As we broke apart to take our language quizzes...I could not help but think what our outcomes would be. I knew we would be different. So when the results came back...we both laughed at where we stood. I clearly was a "Words of Affirmation" person. I spoke that language loud and clear and valued it in every aspect of my life.....not just my romantic relationships. Josh's love language was "Touch". Hilarious in one regard because "Touch" was my very last language in the rankings of the five. Clearly we knew we had some differences.

The great result of learning these love languages is that now we know how to really talk to each other. I know that I need to touch Josh more and he understands how important it is to affirm his love towards me. We had a lot of fun learning these new languages and we definitely made fun of ourselves for the rest of the weekend.

Knowing what each other needs now......can most definitely save a lot of headaches and heartaches in the future.

JAR

Mike, Mikey Joe, Squints or Michael..the Baby

"To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time." -Clara Ortega

When I was a kid I used to be so embarrassed by the fact that I had three siblings. I mean when you are a teenager and your Mother is picking you up at school in a van full of young kids..... that was not always the "coolest" of situations. Plus, being the oldest of four children also had it's unwanted responsibilities. I remember changing lots of diapers and helping mom with things around the house. Not all of it was hard or taxing...but the fact that I had to stop playing with friends to babysit one of my brothers or sister was sometimes more than I could handle. I just wanted to go back to the days of being an only child or a "smaller" family. I often heard that we could not go here or there because there were too many of us and it would cost too much. It was always mortifying to go to a restaurant and tell the hostess that we needed six seats and likely a high chair! Geesh...always such a circus and production.

However over the years I have shredded my immature feelings about a big family and have embraced it even more. One of the most fun things about having so many siblings is discovering who you are most compatible with. As we each grew up in the house...it was obvious who was similar to who. Joe and Lynn were very similar in that they had such compassion towards others, excelled well in school and in athletics. They always had tons of friends and never had the personalities of stress or anxiety. Now Mike and I on the other hand were the opposite. Although Mike was much smarter and athletically gifted than I was .....we always had the same demeanor. We both tended to dramatize our lives and we made it a habit to question and ponder the bigger picture. We also had the most common sense out of the four of us. I think we could just about adapt to any situation if need be.....in fact Dad used to say that if we were all four trapped on an island....Mike and I would survive because we had the wits to...Joe and Lynn...well..they would struggle! LOL!

Mike has and continues to amaze me constantly. His zeal and love for sports is something I have long admired. Ask him anything about anyone and he knows the answer. He is also a human GPS system.....he can go anywhere once and will remember how to get there forever! He is often full of crap and tends to love anything that everyone else hates. I love that about him and it is so predictable at times it is almost comical. Mike was by far the quietest child growing up....and clearly I now know why. He was an observer....if he ever needed anything he had three older siblings to do it for him. But he also had the upper hand in so many ways. By being the youngest he discovered early on what to do and what not to do to stay out of trouble. In fact....I don't ever recall a time that Mike got punished. The rest of us.....well...let's just say that we "did our time".

Today Mike is all grown up and doing very well. In fact...I always tell people that Mike is living the life we all should at 25. He lives in a huge city with a bunch of his buddies. He has a great job and travels often. He is so much fun to hang out with as well. I love spending time with him at ASU football games and when it comes to taking sides on most issues....he usually sides with me! Sometimes I am amazed how stinking smart he is and wonder where does he store all of that knowledge? Not to mention that has the best sense of humor....but you have to look for it!

I look forward to seeing how Mike evolves in the next few years. He says he would like to go back to school to be a professor. I can definitely see him in that role. Students would be drawn to him and I think he has natural gift for helping and teaching others. He swears he is never going to get married or at least wait until he is 45. I beg to differ big time. I am convinced that some girl is going to come along and knock his socks off. However this girl has to be someone who can handle his wit, tolerate his passion for sports and love to watch all of his favorite TV shows (and put up with a not so clean car at times). I can tell you that she is around...and I might have already met her too! In the mean time, I will enjoy watching Mike embrace being a bachelor and continue to listen to his crazy stories.

I love you Mike!

JAR