Thinking of a way to change

Life's Tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.-
Benjamin Franklin

A week back from a wonderful beach vacation with Josh and his family and I am in full work mode. Already stressed a bit, it's hard to believe that one week of complete relaxation followed by a week of work can spin you back into a cycle of unhealthy angst. I feel different this week...I have been very somber and pensive...almost reflective in many areas of my life. Not sure where it is coming from...perhaps a mid-year self evaluation....but nevertheless..it is indeed occurring. It is hard to explain to others around me what I am thinking, feeling, sensing or even embracing in each of my thoughts. I am all over the place.

I think it is fair to say I have always been a thinker. Some would argue and say that I am more of a worrier and in fairness I am that too. But I do a lot of thinking as well. Sometimes I tend to think of ideas, new ways to do things and the thoughts sometimes come at the most random of times. For example I can be standing at the check out line and be thinking of ways that my job could be more efficient or I could be eating and wondering if the food could have been prepared a different way. My mind is always on. Always. This is probably why I never sleep well and I am usually engaged in another conversation in my head when someone is talking to me. Weird I know....but we all have our quirks I guess.

Lately, however my thinking and my thoughts are more focused. I am very driven in my life and my purpose. I suppose we all cross these bridges at some point (me more frequently than others I assume), but why and what are we really supposed to do with them. For me I seem very centered around the issues of the world. I am troubled by the state of the economy and how close it continues to effect my family and friends. I worry (yes...that word is evil I know) daily if this country is strong enough to heal itself or will we live through another depression like our grandparents. I think about my role in the world now as a 32 year old woman and if I should be doing more to make it better, healthier, more godly and if so....where do I start? I think sometimes that the role for me now is much different for me than it was ten years ago....but do I know what it is? So much thinking and little doing.

When I returned from my vacation last week, I realized that I have to start doing things differently. Time is precious and if I am going to do anything with my "thinking".....I better get going. So in the last few days I have been praying more than usual. I know that sounds funny...as if my prayers will somehow "fax" me down an instruction sheet on what to next....but I am hoping they will at least give me strength and courage. I am seeking grace and guidance for the things that I have wanted to do. I sense that I have a purpose...as does everyone I suppose....but I have felt more than ever that I am being tugged to search and fulfill that purpose now. I am not sure where, when or how I will discover mine, but I know that I am now ready to begin to look for it.

A dear friend of mine told me this week that I have a knack for wanting to help and fix all of the problems around me....but most of the time they are not mine to fix. The good thing is that I had the intention. That made me feel good and assured. I believe there are areas of life that I can heal, assist, learn, love, and mend I just need to discover what they are. I may not be the one to fix the economy, cure cancer, or bring peace to the middle east....but I may be the one who can bring a change to just one person. And that is enough for me. So as I continue to struggle each day on where my next step in life will take me....I will continue to trust that I am ready.



JAR

Missing Poo!

Oh how I love my Winston (poo is his nickname)! And as I prepare to leave for a whole week to the beach with Josh, this will be the longest I have ever been away from my little man. Now I must admit, he will be in great hands as he will be staying with his Nana Ruggieri! What a relief....the thought of having to board him for a whole week just made my heart hurt. Granted his Vet has a wonderful boarding unit and the techs there are great....but they just cannot give him the love and attention that his Nana can!

I am going to miss this little guy.....all of his shedding, heavy breathing and obnoxious behavior! But most of all....I will miss his unconditional love.However, I know he is going to have a great time with Nana taking long walks, eating special treats and getting some one on one attention that he so desperately loves!!

Thanks again to Nana for taking Winston for the week! Ahh Poo!

JAR

Dos Taquitos

http://www.dostaquitosnc.com/

Um......I have a new obsession and I thought I would share it with the world. Josh as you know lives in Raleigh.....and has introduced me to an awesome Mexican restaurant called: Dos Taquitos. Now the environment is eclectic and very unique...you would never know you were in Raleigh. When I first went with Josh and our friend Laurie, I played it safe and ordered the chicken Quesadilla. However,they both raved about the steak tacos. I thought... "what is the big deal anyway .. I don't even eat a lot of red meat." Well....the next time I went back.....I tried them...and let's just say the rest is history.

These steak tacos are so good that I dream about them. Literally. Words do not do them justice. So the next time you are in Raleigh....be sure to check out this great little treat and be sure to top it off with one (or two...maybe three) of their yummy margaritas too!

Ole'

JAR

June 29, 1974

"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness." - Ellen Goodman

So, I don't know where you were on Saturday, June 29, 1974.....but I was just a mere twinkle in someone's eye for the future. My parents on the other hand were bracing themselves for a life altering decision....MARRIAGE!

Picture the setting: It was mid-afternoon in Salisbury, North Carolina and family and friends were gathering at my mother's home church, Sacred Heart Catholic Church. (http://www.salisburycatholic.org/). Relatives from New Jersey, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia....you name it....came together to celebrate this special gathering. Oh...and don't forget all of the cousins and second cousins...plenty of those to go around. My Aunt Laura (my Dad's only sister) was not able to attend because she had just given birth to my cousin Anna Marie. However, my Grandfather Kirk (Pop-pop) was able to walk my mother down the aisle which was a great joy considering how sick he had been for the last couple of months.

So as my Dad was making the final touches on his lime green tuxedo I can only imagine what was running through his mind. At the time he was 23 years old (about to turn 24 in September) and we marrying a young, beautiful redhead from the south. Fresh out of college and well into his first hear at Price Waterhouse, I am sure the world seemed huge and bountiful to him. Life seemed easy perhaps and the years to come probably did not phase him at all (well....not that much at least).

My mother was preparing too with all of her maids in waiting. I probably should mention that this was no small wedding. With seven siblings on my mother's side, you can imagine how large the bridal party was. My mother was gorgeous though and if I could have been a fly on the wall, I would have imagined her to be very calm and patient....as she is now. I know she was very much in love with my father and even went to great lengths to be with him when the timing was not always the best. In my thoughts I imagine her that day in her handmade dress slowly walking toward the main doors of the church with my grandfather waiting to walk down the aisle to greet my father. What was she thinking? Did she share the same optimism as my father did? Did she see the world as wide open as he did?

For years as a child I always had the dream of being at my parent's wedding. I always secretly wanted to be the flower girl....but I guess that would not have worked out well...logistically of course! I sometimes think that my sister and her husband Michael share a courtship and wedding story similar to my parents'. I guess that is why I smile so much when I look at the two of them and see their wedding pictures side by side.

Last week my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. To many in my world, this seems daunting. So many of my friends our products of divorced families and unfortunately....many themselves have been divorced. I relish in the fact that I can say my parents are still together after 35 years.

I am not naive to think that their journey has not been hard, frustrating and at times to the point of utter angst. But unlike most couples today, I believe my parents have carried something with them from since the day they were married. I think they both still see a part of the world as "theirs" and wide open. I see them look at each other sometimes the way that I can only imagine the way they did on that Saturday afternoon in front of all of their friends and family. I believe that they know working together through the good and the bad and the tool of forgiveness is key for survival. I envy that kind of love and that kind of relationship. I can only hope that I replicate some of that in a marriage one day. One can only be so fortunate.

Love to you Mom and Dad!


Jenny